i have nothing

m-a ajuns si nu ma mai lasa.
lonely , depressed , nothing to hold on to. no one to talk to , no one to care, no one to help. i am lost...
the trigger was quite good...i should have expected this ... but now ...can't find a way out...it's the only time when i don't have a shoulder to lean on , a ear willingly to hear my thoughts , a heart to understand , a mouth to feed my spirit , a touch to heal my tormented soul...
for the first time i feel completly lonely with no hope and no trust in anything..is this love ? is this the feeling that i have been waiting all my life? this is what i have been craving for all my meaningless life? THIS? why now? there has to be something that i did to deserve such a punishment ... all the years i have been spending playing with people's minds came down on me ... i think maybe i deserve it since everyone thinks i'm a terrible person / character ... everyone who don't know me i might add.... who knows me? who cares about me ? who loves me? why am i asking so many questions? why am i following this path? is it leading to something? i didn't find peace and a place i belong since i was born. i'm a stranger to my family , my friends are far away ... i have no more will power and no one to help...
i've been like this forever ... this thoughts were in my mind all along... but everytime i managed to pass them... now.... they all attacked me.... and they won...this time i am lost ... left alone in this dark alley called my life ... too bad nobody knows it ... but if i get to think of it it's better this way...why should i bother someone who doesn't care....why should i ask things that a person can't give me ... and maybe sometimes i ask too much... affection and attention are things that i rarely find these days...and then again i ask myself...i am that unlovable? am i that impossible? am i a bad person?
i have no idea what to do. who should i trust? who cares? too many fucking questions ... i hate them. make it go away... i wanna live !!!!!!!!
i wanna live ... help me live ... help me find peace and love... whoever u are...